


Black With Two Spoons of Sugar

by Elliot



Series: Its a strange superpowered world [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AI!Stiles, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Gen, Ironman AU, M/M, Superhero!Derek, Werewolf!Derek, marvel AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-01-19 08:59:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1463431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elliot/pseuds/Elliot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly what's on the tin. Stiles is an AI, Derek is still his broody werewolf self, but with some extra gadgets, Scott helps and the rest will make an appearance left or right. </p><p>Stay tuned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. S.T.I.L.E.S.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chronological Time line (chapter number behind the title):  
> •Batman's Robin v.2 (4)  
> •Once upon a wish (2)  
> •S.T.I.L.E.S. (1)  
> •Exaggeration is an art (9)  
> •A freckled face (3)  
> •Taking names (7)  
> •Override codes (5)  
> •Autopilot engaged(6)  
> •Puppy Patrol (8)  
> •A wolf in monkey clothes. (10)

_"Hey! Hey, no, big guy, stop touching my wiring. I will file for harassment. I feel violated."_

"Shut up. You're a computer," Derek grunted, ripping out bits and pieces from behind the panel.

 _"Rude. Who bit you in the ass and died? Because it definitely died, - if it touched your precious butt. Your perfect, perk-"_ the audio cut short and Derek was left glaring at nothing but the camera in the corner of the room. When had he decided to keep the sarcastic menace that was his AI? Better yet, when had he made the mistake of allowing S.T.I.L.E.S. to become that much of a smartass? He must have been writing his own coding. There was no way that Derek intentionally wrote him this way. He was a masochist, yes, but not even he would doom himself to this.

Granted, there were perks to having a self-operating Artificial Intelligence system that controlled the mansion. He never woke up without a fresh, steaming hot mug of perfect black coffee. Well, black only in name, since Stiles had taken it upon himself to scoop in the necessary two spoons of sugar. Makes him less grumpy, Stiles would say if he bothered to ask. He never bothered to ask.

And of course, his personalized digital butler played a valuable roll in keeping him safe.

Stiles took offense to the title of butler. He insisted he was his seriously underappreciated sidekick, but at least he was loyal to the metaphorical bone. Many a night had ended with Stiles stealing away the controls of his suit and guiding him home while Derek wasted time with being unconscious.

Stiles also never failed to make fun of him for those nights.

Stiles. S.T.I.L.E.S. no one knew what the letters stood for, not even Derek, and he created the AI. But one day Stiles had come up with the initials and proclaimed it his name. Derek had initially resisted against nicknaming his computer, but in the end it had stuck and everything had gone to hell since that day.

 _"OK, no, I'm sorry, I tried to shut up and leave you to damage my circuits, but you are about to rip out my vocal chords there and- Hey- Stop! Come on, big guy, don't rip out my metaphorical throat with your claws! Or your_ teeth _._ " And since when did Stiles make those distressed little noises? They sounded familiar. _"I saw that, don't bare your fangs at me now, Wolfy. I'm not scared of you. Try me."_

Retracting his fangs in annoyance Derek got up and wiped his hands on the cloth he had stuck in his pocket, cleaning the grease of his hands. "You've been analysing again."

Because Stiles didn't _watch_ TV, he analysed and processed, gathering data and obscure pop culture references that annoyed him not half as much as he had expected they would. "Scott was over."

There was something seriously wrong about his assistant slash secretary being so close to his AI system. It was bound to be a prophecy for disaster.

_"We watched Scrubs."_

"Analysed."

 _"I analysed, Scott watched. Geez, do you have to be so nitpicky?"_ And Derek should really stop being so surprised that Stiles had even the right intonation. But he was, surprised. If he didn't know any better than he would think that there was an actual person behind the comms rather than coding that faked a human interface.

It had him wondering what that 'real Stiles' would look like, but then he shook his head violently to stop that particular train of thought. There were no plump rosy lips turned up into a wicked grin. There weren't and there would never be. There were limits on how far he would let his AI go.

 _"That was totally a smile. Derek, do you actually_ like _Scrubs?"_ The pause that fell between the words was minimal, though he guessed that for Stiles' coding it had felt like ages. _"You do! You totally do! I'm putting it on, right now. You can't stop me. Not even if you rip out my throat with your_ teeth _. Savage Sourwolf. Don't growl at me, or pull that bitchface. I can multitask, you know. You programmed me that way."_

And a moment later the musical episode of Scrubs was playing on every computer screen in the workplace, and Turk and JD were belting out how much they meant to each other. Stiles, of course, had to sing along. Or at least attempted to. It had to be said that Stiles voice was not exactly made for singing.

Meanwhile Derek promised himself that killing Stiles- killing the power or the servers was not worth the trouble.

It took a lot of convincing.


	2. Once upon a wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three wishes and Laura Hale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I didn't mention it before, but these will all be snippets of scenes or events that occur in this universe. I'll be keeping a chronological time line in the notes, so if you want to read it that way, feel free. I write it pretty much exactly the way I post it, which is a valid way of reading as well - exchanges nicely the pace and plot development of the story.
> 
> Chronological Time line (chapter number behind the title):  
> •Batman's Robin v.2 (4)  
> •Once upon a wish (2)  
> •S.T.I.L.E.S. (1)  
> •Exaggeration is an art (9)  
> •A freckled face (3)  
> •Taking names (7)  
> •Override codes (5)  
> •Autopilot engaged(6)  
> •Puppy Patrol (8)  
> •A wolf in monkey clothes. (10)

"Stiles,"

_"You called the genie?"_

"Shut up."

_"Your wish is my command, but I'mma ignore that one, because it's stupid. Whatever will you do without me? Can't even pour yourself a proper coffee. Now, what are your other two wishes?"_

Laura snickered at her brother's dismay, eyeing the cameras around the apartment while Derek snarled, canines exposed. "Is he always this mouthy?"

" _Damn right I am. Stiles is the name, torturing Derek in front of guests's the game. A pleasure to meet you, Miss Hale."_

"Call me Laura. Or should I say 'permission to call me Laura'?" She grinned, walking into the apartment where spontaneously the light brightened up at Stiles' command and the radio began playing the same tune from earlier in the car.

" _I will interpret your informal way of speech as if it were."_ Stiles said, piping up from speakers closer to her while a sound wave on the corner of the window showed his speech pattern with nice peaks and dips as he adjusted his voice to match the formal speech.

Though it was all for fun and giggles, because the next moment he was back to relaxed and informal. _"Can I get you anything? A drink? A snack?"_

"I like him. You better keep him around. Brightens up the place."

"Thank you! _I keep telling him his way of life is miserable, except for the highlight of creating me, but really, how much did he really do? I'm half my own invention. Though, I gotta thank him for making that possible, I guess. Okay, have your third wish back. I'm too generous, really."_


	3. A Freckled Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Stiles."
> 
> _"Buddy!"_
> 
> "Don't 'buddy' me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chronological Time line (chapter number behind the title):  
> •Batman's Robin v.2 (4)  
> •Once upon a wish (2)  
> •S.T.I.L.E.S. (1)  
> •Exaggeration is an art (9)  
> •A freckled face (3)  
> •Taking names (7)  
> •Override codes (5)  
> •Autopilot engaged(6)  
> •Puppy Patrol (8)  
> •A wolf in monkey clothes. (10)

" _Stiles._ "

" _Buddy!"_

"Don't 'buddy' me."

_"Dude-"_

"Don't."

" _Fine, Sir, Mr. Hale. Satisfied?"_

Derek just growled, waving a hand at the screens with one dark eyebrow ticked up in a threatening manner. "Stiles, what is this?"

_"You left the computers on."_

"You turn them off when I'm out."

 _"Well, yeah, not this time, obviously._ Sir _."_

"Why is there a face on my screens, Stiles?"

The lips of the freckled face on the screens turned up into a grin, bright eyes shining with amusement. And then the lips moved to form words. Stiles' words. He was animating the face as if it belonged to him _. "I fooled around a bit. What do you think, am I your type?"_ And the face on the screen had the gall to wink at him, after which he burst out in laughter complete with a dramatic tear sliding down the face.

"Turn them off," Derek answered instead, turning away and moving back up the stairs.

"Come on! Derek? Am I?" the voice followed him, the speakers installed throughout the house giving the illusion that Stiles stood right behind him. "Well?" Stiles insisted obnoxiously when Derek entered the living room. Though, Derek hadn't missed the quick saving of the file to a server he hadn't bothered looking into, before the lights dimmed and the screens plunged the room in darkness.

At least Stiles occasionally listened to his instructions. Occasionally being the operative word here. Guess he could grant a quick and short answer to the incessant metaphorical prodding.

"No."

_"No? What do you mean no?"_

"No, that is not my type." if he smirked then it was only because he was amused at the indignant little sound Stiles made. Though he wasn't quite as amused by stiles quick and soft mumble of ' _liar_ '.


	4. Batman's Robin v.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The speakers crackled alive with a hint of static.
> 
> "Pleasedon'tkillme!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chronological Time line (chapter number behind the title):  
> •Batman's Robin v.2 (4)  
> •Once upon a wish (2)  
> •S.T.I.L.E.S. (1)  
> •Exaggeration is an art (9)  
> •A freckled face (3)  
> •Taking names (7)  
> •Override codes (5)  
> •Autopilot engaged(6)  
> •Puppy Patrol (8)  
> •A wolf in monkey clothes. (10)

"Hey Derek?" Scott yelled when he was about a mile away from the mansion, hiding behind a tree as he watched the door anxiously.

He repeated Derek's name again when there was no answer, creeping just a bit closer. "Derek?"

_"Mr. McCall-"_

The speakers crackled alive with a hint of static.

"Pleasedon'tkillme!"

 _"Why would I kill you?"_ it was a bit mechanical, but there was definitely the hint of surprise in the disembodied voice.

"Last time," Scott nearly whimpered, peering nervously around the tree. "There was electricity and lasers and _threats_. It hurt!"

The computer seemed to process this and then crackled to life again, _"You refer to the incident of last Tuesday. Mr. Hale updated the system since and opted to register your biometrics in the 'access granted' list. W-"_

"My biometrics? On the 'Green List'?" Scott experientially stretched out one finger and then his arm, ready to pull back once he saw the bright red dots of the snipers or heard the powering up of lasers, but nothing happened other than the voice talking to him again.

" _The 'green' list?"_

"Derek put me on the safe list. Dude," Scott clarified for the system and then breathed in relief, finally stepping around the tree. Though he was still cautious on his way towards the porch. "Derek! Late, dude! Couldn't you have done this sooner?" He yelled, though it wasn't met with doom eyes and a growl, like he had come to expect over the last few days.

_"Mr. Hale is not home at present. Can I pass him a message perhaps, Mr. McCall?"_

"Scott," he replied absent-mindedly, climbing the steps of the porch and peering through the window of the door and afterwards at the intercom above the doorbell, followed by the cameras he hadn't noticed before.

" _Excuse me?_ "

"Call me Scott." He poked at the speaker that the computer had spoken through just now, but pulled back quickly at the sound of tasers being activated. Better safe then sorry, he thought.

 _"Very well... Scott_ ," the computer seemed to test the name, sounding not completely comfortable with the use of it _. "Would you like to leave a message?"_

"That's alright, I'll wait, if you don't shoot me off the porch. He was supposed to be home. Probably will be soon." a resigned sigh left his lips as he dropped down onto the steps, leaning against the support beam.

 _"I'm afraid Mr. Hale did not mention a time of return. Perhaps you would like to wait inside instead?"_ And at the verbal ok the door unlocked with an audible click, swinging open about an inch.

Scott looked up, eyeing the door suspiciously. Inside would be a couch and it would be warm and he probably didn't have to fear any other toys of this automated house system. But on the other hand- "Dude, you said I was on the Green List? Are you sure it's okay?"

 _"There are safety override protocols for if Mr. Hale appears to be wrong about his guests. Please, be welcome. Scott._ " and ok, maybe he had to revise that opinion on the threat the house system could pose inside. But if it kept insisting to go inside, well, who was he to turn down an invitation?

He got up and pushed the door open, holding onto the wood as if it were a shield in case danger lurked behind the door. What he didn't really expect was the stylishly decorated hallway that stretched out towards the back of the house with open doors left and right. "Feels like trespassing, man."


	5. Override codes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a fist flew through one of the glass monitors, Stiles abruptly shut up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chronological Time line (chapter number behind the title):  
> •Batman's Robin v.2 (4)  
> •Once upon a wish (2)  
> •S.T.I.L.E.S. (1)  
> •Exaggeration is an art (9)  
> •A freckled face (3)  
> •Taking names (7)  
> •Override codes (5)  
> •Autopilot engaged(6)  
> •Puppy Patrol (8)  
> •A wolf in monkey clothes. (10)

When a fist flew through one of the glass monitors, Stiles abruptly shut up and waited until the laboured breathing had eased up a little.

 _"Hey Derek,"_ Stiles started, softly, tentatively from the desktop speakers this time, crackling a tiny bit with static from the soft volume.

Another snarl ripped from Derek's throat, bit out from between still wolved out features. " _What_?"

 _"You know, if you really-"_ Stiles hesitated there, human in all the ways it could possibly be. " _There are override codes, if you really wanted to shut me down."_

It gave him pause, the fragility, the vulnerability, the fear in that voice made him freeze up for a moment and Derek wished that for a moment Stiles did have a face, so he could punch him. Not because he wanted to hurt him, but to make sure Stiles never said something so ridiculous ever again. "No."

And then Stiles managed to sigh in relief, chuckling softly, _in relief,_ and muttered a soft, _"Good. Yes,"_ he breathed another laugh over the static of the speaker and added, even softer than before, _"I didn't want to go."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thrive on comments, as all authors do. Leave me something, pretty please puppy-dog eyes?


	6. Autopilot Engaged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Come on, sunshine. I need you to wake up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chronological Time line (chapter number behind the title):  
> •Batman's Robin v.2 (4)  
> •Once upon a wish (2)  
> •S.T.I.L.E.S. (1)  
> •Exaggeration is an art (9)  
> •A freckled face (3)  
> •Taking names (7)  
> •Override codes (5)  
> •Autopilot engaged(6)  
> •Puppy Patrol (8)  
> •A wolf in monkey clothes. (10)

" _Seriously, sometimes you defy the laws of physics, or you know, whatever it is that made sure I popped into existence but leaves you beyond dumb on the battlefield. I appreciate a knight in shining armour, don't get me wrong, but you don't have to die for that cause.-"_

The suit gave another slight jerk when Stiles rerouted some of the energy to the engines. It was better than crashing into a tree, really. Even if it had Derek's head thudding against the side of the helmet.

" _Come on, sunshine. I need you to wake up. Scott can't miss the time and I really don't want to freak the nice hospital people out. Mrs. McCall isn't in. You know you don' t want to go there when she's not in. And no, I'm not calling her in. She deserves her day off. She patched you up enough over the last week. Month. Year even! Are you even capable of beating through a fight without getting yourself hurt? I bet you aren't. No, nevermind, I have the statistics, I_ know _you aren't capable of that.-"_

There was a slight whimper from within the helmet and Stiles crowed with happiness, listening for more sounds that didn't come.

" _Big guy? Derek? I will call her if it's necessary. Come on, wake up. Statistics don't look good. You know I sort of seriously need you, so don't you dare give up on me now. What am I going to do without the hero around? Without you around?"_

The glorified garage door opened up slowly and the suit hovered in front of it for a while until it could slip through the opening. It lay itself down on one of the workbenches then, latches and switches popping and hissing to allow the limp form of Derek to rest more comfortably.

" _Derek? I mean it. Wake up. I will slap you with the equipment you have up on the mechanical arms. I am not good with that whole pressure thing, remember? It will hurt if I slap you."_

Derek only rolled his head to the side against the padding of the helmet.

" _Derek. Come on. I don't want to hurt you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, if there is anything you'd like to see or prompt, feel free to suggest characters, scenes, one-liners, etc. 
> 
> I have a direction (two actually) that I'm pushing this fic for, but the way is still being paved.


	7. Taking Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Note to self: Moody, depressing geniuses are not allowed a say in important matters. Such as names._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chronological Time line (chapter number behind the title):  
> •Batman's Robin v.2 (4)  
> •Once upon a wish (2)  
> •S.T.I.L.E.S. (1)  
> •Exaggeration is an art (9)  
> •A freckled face (3)  
> •Taking names (7)  
> •Override codes (5)  
> •Autopilot engaged(6)  
> •Puppy Patrol (8)  
> •A wolf in monkey clothes. (10)

_"Wolverine?"_

"...-"

_"Claws? Howl?"_

"..."

_"The Lycan? Wolfman?"_

"No."

_"Seriously? 'Alpha'?"_

"Seriously."

 _"Well don't say too much, sourwolf. No need to waste your weekly quota all on me."_ If a computer could roll its eyes, it would. But Stiles was significantly lacking facial features and instead settled for a buffering wheel on one of the screens.

He really ought to do something about this lack of expressive options. Maybe he could employ reaction gifs. Letting them pop up like annoying adds on various screens and displays until Derek undoubtedly rewrote his coding. Best not to try his patience with that one.

" _I guess it's still better than 'Wolf' or 'Werewolf'. Lupus, Canine, Pup, Growl, Moon Boy? Are you sure you wouldn't rather have one of those?"_

" _Stiles._ " Oh, there was the growl.

" _Alright, alright! No need to huff and puff, big guy. I'm holding my figurative hands up."_

"Don't you have programs to run or Scott to babysit?"

" _Standing by to aid your sorry butt, sir."_

"Run the program on exosuit 4."

" _Running Analysis and Activation Sequence on EXO-XI"_ _––––– "Did I say aid? Sorry, I meant 'save'. Save your sorry ass."_

Anyone who thought that cluttered workspaces – really it was more like a glorified garage than anything – didn't echo much, hadn't had the pleasure of hearing the loud bangs and scraping of the big bad wolf crashing. But at least he hadn't rammed into the hood of his beloved Camaro.


	8. Puppy Patrol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Can we please not piss Sourwolf off?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chronological Time line (chapter number behind the title):  
> •Batman's Robin v.2 (4)  
> •Once upon a wish (2)  
> •S.T.I.L.E.S. (1)  
> •Exaggeration is an art (9)  
> •A freckled face (3)  
> •Taking names (7)  
> •Override codes (5)  
> •Autopilot engaged(6)  
> •Puppy Patrol (8)  
> •A wolf in monkey clothes. (10)

_"No no no, don't- Oh man! Derek's gonna kill me."_

"But... you're a computer."

 _"Metaphorically, you dipshit. He's gonna rip out wiring or shut me down, or worse, he'll reprogram me- Get your paws off that table, I'm warning you for your own good, pup. And mine. But mostly yours._ "

"Shouldn't you have more respect for his guests?"

_"Not when they drip blood everywhere. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that out of carpets?"_

"Chill, you're not his housewife. And don't pretend you do know how hard it is. You're a computer, you don't scrub floors."

Stiles spluttered indignantly. At least, that was how it was supposed to sound, but it had the speakers crackling a bit instead. _"That's beside the point! Point is that Derek's gonna be pissed and no one likes him pissed."_

"You do." Erica helpfully commented, dropping down between Isaac and the armrest, a space way too small for her.

_"No. No one does. An angry Derek is a dangerous Derek and wiring doesn't heal, unlike your broken bones. Can we please not piss Sourwolf off?"_

And because Stiles was apparently doomed for all eternity with misbehaving pups, it was promptly met with the two menaces halting their squabbling over the lack of space to simultaneously kick their legs back up on the table. And grin. Like it was some vindictive master plan to get Stiles in trouble.

It probably was.


	9. Exaggeration is an Art

_"Scotty! I'm gonna need you to buy several gallons of bleach!"_

"Stiles!" Scott, bless him, honest to god yelped, nearly dropping his phone if Stiles were to analyse the sounds that passed over the wire.

 _"Really dude, you should be used to this by now."_ The tone of amusement that lingered under the words was successfully repressed in the commentary. No one tell Scott, but startling him was exactly why Stiles interrupted his personal calls.

"Stiles."

That was most definitely not Scott's nervous squeaking.

_"Mrs McCall."_

"Blood on the carpet?"

_"Yes, Ma'am."_

"Has Derek gotten himself hurt again?"

Scott groaned in the background. Stiles wondered when Scott had started regretting the day he teamed up with the big bad werewolf. Probably from day one, when he discovered it led to an awful amount of pain and meetings with creatures that went more than bump in the night.

_"It's just a flesh wound?"_

"I thought so."

" _When does he not? Seriously, I told you living in the mansion was way more effective. Are you sure you don't want to reconsider, Mrs McCall?"_

"We're fine, Stiles," for all that Scott was suddenly involved, his mother really was a good sport, "Tell Derek that he owes me 10 dollar. Scott-"

"Going, going."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a while. I did lose my muse for the writing, but I still had some snippets saved. Plus, my brain gave me some more possibly lame-ass ideas, so let's just give it a shot.
> 
> Chronological Time line (chapter number behind the title):  
> •Batman's Robin v.2 (4)  
> •Once upon a wish (2)  
> •S.T.I.L.E.S. (1)  
> •Exaggeration is an art (9)  
> •A freckled face (3)  
> •Taking names (7)  
> •Override codes (5)  
> •Autopilot engaged(6)  
> •Puppy Patrol (8)  
> •A wolf in monkey clothes. (10)


	10. Manners and Monkey Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mirror, Mirror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so, It's been a while, but yay, update! 
> 
> Chronological Time line (chapter number behind the title):  
> •Batman's Robin v.2 (4)  
> •Once upon a wish (2)  
> •S.T.I.L.E.S. (1)  
> •Exaggeration is an art (9)  
> •A freckled face (3)  
> •Taking names (7)  
> •Override codes (5)  
> •Autopilot engaged(6)  
> •Puppy Patrol (8)  
> •A wolf in monkey clothes. (10)
> 
> Be sure to check out the split-off verses as well! And vote which you like best, maybe?

_"Look at you! Alright, say it."_ Stiles gushed to compliment the wolf whistle he'd artfully selected from far too many options so it would reflect just the right sentiment. Or so the AI had decided.

"No." Derek equally artfully replied. Or more irritably and grumpy. Stiles would forgive him, but only because it went with the look.

_"Say it."_

"..." It was amazing how much of a warning Derek's silences could be, but there it was.

_"Scott?"_

An infernal grin snuck onto Scott's face, seemingly innocently as he held up the jacket of the suit that Derek was wrestling his way into. "'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?'"

Stiles swore that the werewolf was going to give himself an aneurism the way he rolled those eyes. _"I don't know about fairest, what with that scruffy beard, but I'd definitely vote for you as hottest in the land. This is why you've got to trust me, do you see it now?"_

The image in the mirror flashed the whites of a fang in the corner of a fierce scowl.

" _Bad wolf. Do I need to get the newspaper out?"_

The fang disappeared. And Stiles stopped uploading his data halfway across the globe on the emergency server. Self-preservation was a good thing, no one could tell him otherwise. Too bad that that didn't kick in before his coding had spilled the words through the speakers. Maybe he should do something about that. But then the world would be a seriously dull place. Or at least Derek's apartment would be.

" _Now, if anyone asks who you are wearing, you say...?_ "

Derek scoffed, snapping teeth at the robot fingers that promptly smacked the hand trying to undo the bowtie.

" _Wrong answer. We do not growl of bite the paparazzi or our guests._ "


	11. Damn Coffee machines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wake up cures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the absence guys. I have not strictly abandoned this fic, but it will be slow, very slow.

It rarely happened that Stiles was silent. Especially in the mornings. So when Derek stumbled out of his room it took him a second to realize that this time... there was no strong, rich scent of coffee wafting through the mansion, nor a far too bright voice chirping a 'good morning, grumpyface!' or any other equivalent of that. There was silence. And Derek paused, looking around as if that would reveal what was wrong.

It didn't. Stiles was an AI, no physical presence.

"What's wrong?" a voice came up from behind him, arms wrapping themselves around his waist, lips teasing at his shoulder.

"Nothing." He replied, voice rather rough with sleep still, his body refusing to wake up without the stimulation of caffeine.

Coffee. He pushed her arms away and shuffled into the kitchen where he fully expected a steaming mug to sit all ready and hot for him. There wasn't. Instead of the bright voice he had come to expect there was the glaringly bright screen of the coffee machine waiting for his instructions.

Yes, he was in fact incredibly smart when it came to electronics and technical stuff. No, he could not figure out how to get a proper cup of coffee started. The machine kept blocking his attempts, no matter what he pushed in.

"Stiles!" He finally growled out –  _this_ close to punching a hole in the machine. But no. It was coffee. Damn good coffee. If Stiles made it.

" _Yes sir?_ " the disembodied voice replied, volume low.

Maybe Stiles had finally managed to learn 'compassion' and was considering a possible hangover. Never mind that wolves could not get drunk.

He'd admit defeat. "... fix my coffee?"

" _Of course, sir._ "

Finally the coffee machine showed signs of life, the crushing of beans heard through the exterior and then the boiling of water, the 'Hsshhhj' when boiling water rushed through the pipes and finally met the grounds to pour into the mug below where two spoonfuls of sugar waited to melt and mix into the fresh coffee. Finally the smell of fresh coffee started to permeate the house.

Finally Derek noticed what was off.

The girl had followed him into the kitchen and was- _dared_ attempt to 'cutely' sneak a sip from _his_ coffee. Derek growled. "Get dressed and get out."

She was offended, clearly, judging by the way she stormed back into the bedroom and slammed the door for good measure.

"It's too early for this, Stiles..."

" _I don't know what you're talking about. Is the coffee not to your liking?"_

"Is t- You're not talking to me."

Obviously Stiles couldn't help himself, the sarcastic drawl sneaking not very subtly into the audio, " _You're completely right, this is the automatic response system. If you want to leave a message, speak after the beep._ "

The speakers beeped. Sarcastically.

Derek sipped his coffee. At least sarcasm was normal. When had he gotten used to that?

The door to the bedroom opened and out stormed a now dressed girl who rushed to the exit. The open exit. Stiles was making sure she could take her flight without any obstacle tripping her angry escape.

 

"..."

 

_"..."_

 

"..."

 

Derek lowered the mug. One eyebrow was drawn up. Incredulously. "... Stiles?"

" _This is an automatic res-"_

 _"..._ You're jealous."

" _Am not!_ "


End file.
